In almost every manner of thinking, acting or doing, we esteem Loyalty as a value to be honored and revered. I mean seriously, when is loyalty not a good thing? Is it even possible?
YES! When we have unwavering loyalty to our past, it’s a guaranteed disaster in the making for our future! It guarantees we will repeat harmful and destructive patterns even if our intention is to avoid that exact thing. It’s a sad ironical statement quite honestly. The hurts and pain from our past are what remains so crystal clear in our head. It is obviously what we want to avoid in almost desperate measures at times.
For example, it’s not a coincidence that a girl raised by an alcoholic father will almost always end up with a man at some point in her life that has addictive personality if not the exact same disease. If you’re raised in an environment where you feel like you have to prove your value before you’re loved, it’s likely that you will develop a perfectionist attitude in life…forever trying to prove your value. And it’s not that we set out to consciously repeat our past. It’s actually and sadly, most often, a subconscious pattern. Because if we stay focused on what we don’t want…”I don’t want an abusive spouse” or “I don’t want someone who is unfaithful”, we tend to land right back in the same place in future relationships. Why?
Although several factors probably come to play, one of the big ones is this sense of being loyal or focused on our past that gets in our way. We keep thinking about avoiding that past environment or relationship instead of thinking about what we want. Truth is, what would break us free is actually envisioning a future free from it.
After my divorce, I had my list of traits I didn’t ever want in a partner, based on what I had experienced. Ironically, that is exactly what kept reappearing in my dating life! I didn’t get understand why I kept attracting that type of man. Then the enlightenment from my life coach came through a simple exercise. He told me to make a list of what I do want and let that be my focus. So simple, right? Transition my thoughts (and loyalty) from what I don’t want, to what I DO want. So simple! Yet, I found it wasn’t easy by any means. My thoughts continued to drift back to the old patterns of thinking unless I consistently stopped them.
Romans 12:2 tells us to not conform to this world, but instead to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. This was the impetus for change for me…I knew I needed to renew my mind constantly to be focused on what I wanted to be different in my life. So I started praying for a man of authenticity, humility, grace, and love. I knew I wanted those traits so I focused my mind on a man that exemplified those traits. That’s who I was looking for and in order to attract a man like that, I had to exemplify that myself (after all, who would a man like that be looking for??).
I’d love to tell you in a few short weeks, I had met him and we lived happily ever after. Not quite. It’s been 6 years and he’s still not here. But I haven’t given up hope. Anything worthwhile takes time and the journey of transformation is such a blessing. So, where is your loyalty today? Break free of staying loyal to your past! Renew your mind to focus on what you want…stay loyal to it…have the faith to believe your heart’s desires are being fulfilled as we speak!